An old saying goes, “Good things come in small doses.” And when it comes to sucking down a nutritious snack, small doses of cum are a good thing. That is, not only are there vital nutrients in “dick-spit”, but a normal male ejaculation (which is about one teaspoon’s worth) is virtually fat-free, with only between five and 25 calories!

Yes, in this day and age of eating healthy foods that don’t add fat, it’s a wonder some company hasn’t marketed semen as a wholesome snack called “Cummy Bears” or “Beef Jerk-Me”.

To explain, let’s give “nut butter” what Britney Spears had: a major breakdown.

A guy’s goo is only one percent sperm; the rest consists of over 200 different proteins, minerals and vitamins. The main ingredients include calcium, chlorine, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium and Vitamin B12. This makes one think that all penises should have an FDA-approved sticker on them that lists what’s inside the, uh, package as well as the nutritional value.

Zinc also is a key ingredient of spew; supplying to the swallower three percent of the US Recommended Daily Dietary Allowances. Zinc is believed to be an antioxidant, which slows down the aging process of muscle and skin, which could explain why Siegfried & Roy look like they’re 20. Hey, who needs to put zinc oxide cream on their skin when they can put zinc-filled cream like semen on instead?

Needless to say, semen’s ingredients are the reason for that “Hmmm…he tastes like strawberries” axiom. This is due to the fact that baby batter contains a smattering of citric acid and fructose, making one wonder if Hollywood will do a gay version of “The Martian” where the stranded ass-tronaut extracts the sugar content from his semen to make “Sweet and Blow”.

Unfortunately, unless you're sucking down gallons of semen each day, a typical liquid love snack is no substitute for a typical breakfast, lunch or dinner. But who knows? Maybe one day we’ll see The Today Show with some 130-year-old claim, “I owe my longevity to a daily diet of fruits, vegetables, nuts – and semen.”

However…

What if your love partner fills you with love but does not taste great? What if you have keep mouth wash at hand as you bemoan the fact that his love pump only pumps out foul fluid? No one wants to suck down (too) sour cream, but not to worry: Foods eaten beforehand and before bed can improve a man’s taste and seminal quality. Aristotle observed: "Sperms are the excretion of our food, or to put it more clearly, as the most perfect component of our food.” So, if you’re going to excrete from the front, why not make it a sweet treat? This can be achieved by chowing down on asparagus (which is chock full of sweet tastin’ Vitamin C) and a fruit that increases stamina: bananas. A seven inch long banana can not only be used as a practice “tool”, but it’s also stuffed with Vitamin A, B1 and the big “C”.

For dessert, and to double your fun and semen count, devour dark chocolate by cutting a big piece of chocolate cake – the food kind, that is. After the aforementioned food is swallowed then sweatily excreted, you and your partner can now make “edible pearl necklaces”.

So the next time you are with someone who spat out instead of swallowing your semen, remind him: “How dare you spit out all that nutrition when there are starving homosexuals in here, America…and the world?!”

Photo: All Natural & Naughty Fun