Jan 07, 2016

Cock ‘n’ Roll!! The Naughty, Bawdy Tale of Long John Baldry

Let’s hope to see the following category on Jeopardy one day: “Unknown Gay British Rock Stars”. It would feature one of the following answers:

This man discovered Rod Stewart.”

Or:

The ‘Sugar Bear’ noted in Elton John’s song ‘Someone Saved My Life Tonight’, he actually saved Elton’s life.”

Or:

Reginald Dwight took part of this man’s name as his own stage moniker.”

Were you to watch, and actually guess, “Who is Long John Baldry?”, you’re lying. Or, damn, you’re good!

For the most part, the 6′7″ Long John is long forgotten. However, from the early 1960s until his death in Vancouver at the not-so-ripe age of 64, future British rock stars were drawn to the hot Long John like moths to a flame. At one point, Jack Bruce of Cream and four members of the Rolling Stones (Keith Richards, Brian Jones, Charlie Watts and Mick Jagger) shared a stage with him. And, according to Paul Myers, brother of comic actor Mike Myers and author of It Ain’t Easy: Long John Baldry and the Birth of the British Blues, Mr. B. also mentored and befriended Paul McCartney, Pete Townsend of The Who, Eric Clapton and, with the biggest impact, Rod Stewart and Elton John. When these two fellas dressed in drag (WARNING: Do not look at either in drag on a full stomach!), it was Baldry who bestowed on them the monikers “Sharon” (for Elton) and “Phyllis” (Rod) – names the pair still call each other today. Rod even admitted to Mr. Myers in his Palm Beach mansion that he “would never have any of this if it wasn’t for Long John Baldry”.

Long John was not only respected in the rock community but also in the gay community for never denying he was gay, a brave act considering that, before 1967, homosexuality was a punishable crime in England that could lead to forced medication and/or jail time. This meant that he and guitarist Dave Davies of The Kinks could have been cellmates after being bedmates. Years later, Davies spoke warmly of their gay old times together: “It was very beautiful. I always remembered that feeling of being close to another man, of being intimate in a respectful way.” Another potential cellmate of Mr. Baldry included Lionel Bart, the author of the musical Oliver! Rod Stewart recalled, “Lionel Bart’s house was a den of iniquity. All sorts of things used to go on around there with two way mirrors and sausage sandwiches.”

Alas, if Long John is remembered at all, it is for his friends in music and not his music. Elton tried to give a jolt to Baldry’s stagnant career by producing and playing on two of his albums: It Isn’t Easy in 1971 and 1972’s Everything Stops For Tea. Mr. John no doubt was repaying Long John for stopping him from committing suicide in 1968. Elton was about to marry a woman he did not love – only for Baldy to tell him it was fine to be gay. This seminal event was immortalized in Elton’s 1975 hit “Someone Saved My Life Tonight”. Mr. John recalled, “That song is about John Baldry saying, ‘You’ve got to call the wedding off.’ Without that, it could have been an entirely different story. He really did change the course of my life.”

Elton was said to refute a rumor that Long John persuaded him to change the title of a song from the autobiographical “Don’t Let Your Son Go Down On Me” to “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”.

Unfortunately, Long John wore a long face for too long and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 1975. He later pulled out of his depression by finding a hot man he could pull. While in New York in 1978, Baldry met his life mate, Felix “Oz" Rexach: a flamboyant Puerto Rican (with a bad-ass last name!) who frequented Studio 54 in spandex from the clothing shop where he worked. A year later, he released the slyly named album Baldry’s Out. The record featured “A Thrill is Still a Thrill”, a song addressing coming out and written by Bill Amesbury (before Billy came out as a transsexual Barbara Amesbury). It featured lyrics that had advice for any still-in-the-closet listener:

You can live in your head,
You can live in your heart,
And if you don't live at all,
Then why the hell did you start?
A thrill's a thrill.

By then, he and Sexy Rex-ach had settled in Vancouver, which had a very accepting gay community. The two sugar bears lived happily until Long John was hospitalized for pneumonia (with Rod picking up the tab for his medical bills) and died in 2005. Oddly, Baldry had never been parade marshal for Vancouver Gay Pride. But the summer he died, organizers placed his picture on the lead car of that year’s parade.

It’s a shame this man isn’t better known. The world would be a much better place if everyone lived by one of Long John’s credos:

Let’s be marvelous. Let’s let our hair down. There’s too much boredom around!”

So let’s live it!

by Mark Malish

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ABOUT US

WHAT IS DANDY DICKS AND WHY SHOULD YOU CARE?

And who the hell am I? If you’ve been following the blog at all, you may have wondered out of which horny hole this perverted punk has stepped. I won’t reveal too much – a bit of mystery is sexy, right? But a few things may be in order.

First, I was born in that part of the world that most people think is actually Canada, but it’s not. I was born in Alaska. Who would have thought that place could produce more than oil and Sarah Palin – two decidedly unsexy things.

Second, I’m no stranger to sex on screen. I appeared in two arty porn films with DVD releases: one in San Francisco and one here in Berlin. There may be other footage of me out there, but if so, I don’t know where. And yup, I moved to Berlin from gay ol’ San Francisco, where I learned to be a proper fag and how to be a writer all at the same time.

There’s more from San Francisco coming your way via Dandy Dicks, so stay tuned.

But I left San Francisco. And took my heart with me. Five years now in Berlin and I can’t think of a better place to be. I’ve been making it here as a writer ever since and I’m happy to report there’s no going back.

I think I’ve given you enough of the basics. More you’ll just have to find out either through this blog or a little Google. But I hope with that you stick around Dandy Dicks – for this blog and of course, the boys!

Walter Crasshole