While animated Disney films are often considered mere children’s entertainment, they are full of plenty of guys you’d want to fuck. Let’s get into the hottest Disney men and imagine what it’d be like to fuck them.

1. Prince Charming, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

He’s Hot Because: He’s the first Disney hunk, it’d be like fucking Adam (the biblical one). And those tights look practically painted on!

How He Fucks: Really poorly. Like most dudes from the 1930s, he’s only concerned with his own pleasure. So he probably just takes his dick out of his tights and finishes on your thigh. Like the song says, “Someday my prince will come prematurely!”

Final Verdict: Terrible, terrible top.

2. Prince Eric, The Little Mermaid (1989)

He’s Hot Because: After a long string of male protagonists that were as interesting as brown rice, Prince Eric brought personality, a sense of humor and a great chin to the Disney Prince pantheon. And don’t forget those leather-daddy boots!

How He Fucks: Oh, he’s great. Very gently but with a puckish sense of fun. Like he totally bites your lower lip and twists your nipple but then cracks a joke about how the last person he was with lives in a tuna can.

Final Verdict: Power bottom.

3. The Beast, Beauty & the Beast (1991)

He’s Hot Because: He’s the ultimate bear: furry, grumpy and not afraid to toss you around the room. He also has a history of being rude to old crones, which for me, is a total turn-on.

How He Fucks: Let’s just say you won’t be able to ride a bike for a few days after. He’s a beast and he’s going to fuck you like one. The only problem is that his human form isn’t as hot as his beast form. Also, everything in his castle is alive, so don’t expect a lick of privacy.

Final Verdict: Power top, but okay if you finger his ass.

4. Aladdin, Aladdin (1992)

He’s Hot Because: He’s fun, rakish, needs a sandwich and is friends with a monkey. He’s also great at parkour and has a chest that can’t be beat. He’s so hot that during the song “One Jump Ahead”, a lady sings, “Still I think he’s rather tasty.” I believe this is the first instance of a Disney song explicitly referencing a man’s hotness. She’s not wrong.

How He Fucks: With enthusiasm! He’s probably so happy not to be sleeping on the street that he’s going to make sure your fuck session lasts all night long. The only downside might be that he lets the monkey watch. Which, if you’re into that, fine, but for me? No thanks!

Final Verdict: Oral top, no anal (have you tried douching in a desert?).

5. Hercules, Hercules (1997)

He’s Hot Because: Well, he’s got that whole demigod thing going for him, but he’s also endowed with a great head of hair and a fantastically muscular body that only the son of Zeus can have. He can also sell a headband like the 80s aerobics craze never ended.

How He Fucks: Like only a demigod can! I imagine you’ll see visions similar to when the Satanists impregnated Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby (but with a better turnout). He’s like the straight jock you hit on at a sports bar, and he lets you suck him off in the bathroom. But he’s genuinely appreciative and into it so you don’t feel like you were used. Great guy, nice dick.

Final Verdict: Top. Likes being rimmed.

6. Tarzan, Tarzan (1999)

He’s Hot Because: He is giving body, body, body. And for a Disney Prince, he’s practically nude. The loin cloth gives plenty of side-ass to check out, and the man can move his body.

How He Fucks: Probably in a tree, so that’s going to be uncomfortable. And as an ape-man, the actual fucking is mostly perfunctory. It pains me to say this, but he is probably just a pretty package that hides an ultimately unsatisfying lay. He might be the king of the jungle, but he’s the jester of the bedroom.

Final Verdict: Vers. Seriously.

7. Prince Naveen, The Princess and the Frog (2009)

He’s Hot Because: Because it’s about time Disney had a prince who wasn’t lily white! But he’s no token entry – he’s got a real sense of style. The man can make a newsboy cap look new. And I’d bet it’d look even better at the foot of your bed.

How He Fucks: Well, the man is broke, so DESPERATELY! He’s going to stick around, so he’s going to make himself comfy. Also, why does the first prince of color have to be broke? Two steps forward, one step back.

Final Verdict: Bottom (goes through your medicine cabinet when he’s in your bathroom).

8. Kristoff, Frozen (2013)

He’s Hot Because: He’s Grade-A Scandinavian beef! Take one barrel chest, a great face, cover it in fur and you get this baby-faced meat-head. You thought guys into dogs were hot? Try guys into reindeers!

How He Fucks: In a snow-cave. He lights a fire, you snuggle under some pelts. And what’s more erotic than a pelt?

Final Verdict: He’s a staunch Christian. The cuddling is just for warmth. Kristen doesn’t believe in sex before marriage.

Sources: Iceman Blue, Disney