As Ray Davies of the Kinks noted after meeting a, um, “girl” named Lola: “It’s a mixed-up, muddled-up shook-up world.” This also explains the minds of white heterosexual men who claim they’re straight as a geometric line but like to occasionally get bent over with one of their own sex. Most often, the seeds of these man-to-man moments start with a (getting) personal ad, imploring a fellow hetero to come over and have gay sex while watching straight porn. For proof of hetero-to-hetero hook-ups, look no further than any “Casual Encounters” section of Craigslist, from Los Angeles, (where a “curious, well hung dad” seeks to stroke your ego, then cock) to screwy Louisville, where yet another hetero sings a variation of this same sexual refrain:

“I'm a curious, married straight guy, and I'm worn out from dealing with female drama at home. I'm looking for another frustrated straight guy that feels the same way. I'm professional, sane, cautious, and am NOT a Craigslist regular that's trolling for hookups...”

…only for closeted homosexuals.

Are these ads created by real gays who are playing around while they play the field? Or are the two curious heteros just acting like two self-proclaimed vegans who sometimes choose to suck down a rare steak because after all, nothing beats good, red meat.

Yet, these straightlacers don’t look at themselves as gay, because they feel that their definition isn’t what “gay” means.

And they are far from being alone.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, more than 3 million men who identify themselves as straight are living on the very down low. This ever-rising number is the subject of a recently published book by Jane Ward called Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men. She notes: “(A heterosexual’s) heterosexuality is defined by his investment in heterosexuality. Gay men, in contrast, are men who have sex with men without an alibi.” Of course, straight guys’ alibis come into play when the heterosexual tells his wife/girlfriend excuses for him secretly playing for the other team, with a line like: “I was out watching a ball game with the guys,” when in reality, he was with a guy watching balls.

A sense of entitlement that these he-men have also blends into their sexual lives. Indeed, Ms. Ward writes how straight white men benefit from “white privilege – an ‘invisible package of unearned assets’ – to circumvent homophobic stigma and assign heterosexual meaning to homosexual activity”.

This could explain the cock camouflage act they pull; as in secretly desiring a hard stiff one but are way too afraid to venture out of the closet. This is exhibited in the countless cases of football hazing incidents in which the one being hazed is often naked, lying on his stomach, while muscular high school boys do some serious sexually charged hazing.

One example was in 98 percent white Milton, VT (isn’t all of Vermont 98 percent?), where this year, Milton High School football players held initiations that included hazing younger players with substitutes for their penises (i.e., broom sticks and pool cues). As this was occurring, you know there had to be some kind of rise inside one or more of the guys’ Levis. Yes, nothing like 45 scantily clad men watching a muscular guy being pawed at while white towels cover their lower body. The only difference between these toweled scenes and a toweled bathhouse is that at least in a bathhouse, gays have the freedom in the mind and body to freely come.

But when it comes to straight on straight sex, who keeps score?

Certainly, not the curious kind—a.k.a. “straight men.”

Photos: Marc Love (Flickr), huffstutterrobertl (Flickr), almodozo (Flickr)