The 1980s action movie supplies a bounty of mullets, tank tops, and European bodybuilders trying to form sentences. These movies are also full of gay panic, where being called a “cocksucker” is the worst insult imaginable (besides “commie bastard”). In Lethal Weapon 2, Mel Gibson’s character plans on taking revenge on his enemies by “getting them and fucking them”. Because in this world this is no greater punishment than gay sex! They’re so fixated on gay sex that these movies sometimes miss the homoeroticism writhing right in front of their faces. So if seeing a movie’s hero casually toss around the word “faggot” is keeping you from watching an explosion-filled one-liner fest, fear not! These 80s action films provide tons of homoeroticism alongside their fear of a feminized male. Here are some of my favorite moments.

Top Gun (1986) - The volleyball scene

This entire movie has famously been labeled as a gay sex fantasy by Quentin Tarantino, and it’s not hard to see why after one look at the famous volleyball scene. The men are oiled, Val Kilmer’s highlights have never been blonder, and Rick Rossovich looks amazing. Frankly, you could say any Tom Cruise movie is rife with homoerotic tension, but this one stands out for being set to the Kenny Loggin’s song “Playing with the Boys.” This scene is pornography.

Predator (1987) - Biceps! 

This scene depicts what looks like a typical greeting at a leather bar. Yeah, let’s grab each other’s FISTS (you know what fists represent, right?). Then let’s keep clenching each other’s fists, who’s going to be dominant? Arnold, looking like a Tom of Finland drawing, throws in a barb about “pushing too many pencils” as if to imply that Carl Weather is going to be handling something a lot bigger than a pencil soon. Carl finally relents, and Arnold basks in the afterglow.

Road House (1989) - The entire film 

The above clip comes toward the end of the film. Except for the bloody nose, this could very well be a scene from some rough sex porno. I recently rewatched this movie and was so astounded by the eroticizing of male flesh that I had to check to see if the director was gay (he’s apparently not, though he is named Rowdy Herrington…). In this ridiculous movie, Patrick Swayze plays a bouncer who has a PhD in Philosophy from NYU; he even practices shirtless, oily tai chi! Oh, and another bouncer fucks a girl in the backroom, but it’s shot from behind, so you really only see his ass. It’s great, the ass and the shot. Seriously, Road House is gayer than Cruising. See it.

Red Heat (1988) - Bathhouse gang bang

Another Arnold movie. That shouldn’t come as a shock, though; a lot of his appeal had to do with his body, which was its own special effect. He looks great here, like a Bel Ami model that’s allowed to eat. Here we have a bathhouse face-off where Arnold wears some diaper-thong underwear that I’m not complaining about. Sensing he’s in over his head, Arnold takes them all on (with some of the worst punch sound effects you’ll ever hear), and they all end up in the snow. Where you get a great shot of Arnold’s bare ass. Seriously, that thing is amazing. How can people so obsessed with idolizing the male body not see how gay it all is? I’m not complaining at all. It’s just a fun thing.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) - Bare-chested Beef

This is the movie that made me gay. I was about Short Round’s age when I saw this movie, and because of this scene, there was no other movie character I wanted to be. Harrison Ford never looked hotter and I, uh, I mean Short Round, gets to be the one to save the day. Seeing Indy without bare-chested and without his signature fedora stirred up a lot of feelings in me. It was like, “Oh, here’s this iconic character I’ve loved in a way I’ve never seen before, sexy and with just enough chest hair to keep things interesting.” Yes, this is how I thought when I was nine. 

For me, seeing hot guys in movies that aren’t designed to be “hot guy delivery devices” is one of the many pleasures that 1980s action movies provide. The guys get greasier and less clothed as the movie goes on, and my interest grows. The sexual politics of these films might be abysmal, but the unintentional subtext is always explosive.