We survived the self-important doldrums of the prestige movie season, and now spring approaches with new franchise installments blooming like flowers. With so many movies to sample, you’re sure to hate most of them – that’s just simple math. So we’re here to help you sift through which movies you’re likely to love and which ones you’re likely to love to hate (every season has its one misguided piece of trashy treasure like last year’s The Boy Next Door, which if you haven’t seen by now, drop everything and watch it). And what kind of gay site would we be if we didn’t talk about the hot guy factor of every movie? We’re just as much about popping a boner as we are about being bitchy.

1. 10 Cloverfield Lane (out now)

What’s This Now?: It’s a surprise maybe-sequel to Cloverfield, JJ Abram’s previous “cloaked in mystery movie.” This one seems to be the darker side of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt by focusing on a group of people hiding out in a bunker because “something” happened on the surface.

Hot Guys?: I mean, John Goodman has a certain bearish charm but beyond that, unless the surface of the Earth has been decimated by an army of feral twinks, this looks to be a decidedly hot guy-free affair. 

Genuinely Love It or Love to Hate It?: Hopefully love! It’s got a great cast and the trailer has a shot of John Goodman getting a bottle smashed over his head like a deleted scene from Roseanne.

2. The Divergent Series: Allegiant (out now)

What’s This Now?: The third installment of the incoherently named series is finally here! Does anyone care about these movies? I tried watching the first one and I was both confused as to how this world worked and sad to see Kate Winslet slumming it in a Hunger Games ripoff. Kate’s not even in this installment, but it does have Naomi Watts! So that’s something (not an upgrade, but it’s something).

Hot Guys?: Here’s where this series excels. It has perennially troubled-looking Miles Teller, the seemingly named after two IKEA bookcases Ansel Elgort, and walking ab-delivery device Theo James. So if you see this, wear headphones, listen to a podcast and just enjoy the dudes glaring at each other. 

Genuinely Love It or Love to Hate It?: If we’re going off the first movie that I didn’t get through, this will be more boring than campy. And we don’t have time for boring!

3. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (out now)

What’s This Now?: DC’s finally following the Marvel model with their first superhero team-up movie. Man of Steel director and lover of slow-motion rain Zack Snyder returns to deliver all the grimness that one bloated two-and-half-hour movie can handle!

Hot Guys?: Well, yeah. Zack Snyder excels in homophobic homoerotica (300). And here he’s giving us a roided-out Henry Cavill in a skin-tight suit and Ben Affleck wearing more muscle than a diplomat in an Israeli bus terminal.

Genuinely Love It or Love to Hate It?: This is a tough call. If there’s less focus on cataclysmic destruction and more on characters and fun, this could be great. Sadly, it looks like the ultimate bro movie, despite having the first big-screen appearance of Wonder Woman! That said, I’m definitely going to see it, while sitting with my arms crossed and eyes prepared to roll.

4. The Jungle Book (out now)

What’s This Now?: Disney’s pillaging of its animated classics continues with their latest live-action adaptation. With an all-star voice cast and some impressive looking CGI animals, this could be huge!

 Hot Guys?: It stars a child, you creep! So NO! But if does have an actual bear in it, so if that’s your thing, check it out!

Genuinely Love It or Love to Hate It?: I was really stoned when I saw the trailer for this and I felt close to tears the entire time. Something about a little kid being friends with all the animals moved me. I watched it again when I was sober and I still liked it! So I’m going to say that you might genuinely love this! (Though the one line of the dialogue they give Mowgli in the trailer doesn’t bode well for his performance. Hopefully he sticks to running and jumping – he’s great at that!).

5. The Huntsman: Winter’s War (out now)

What’s This Now?: Remember there was that Snow White movie with Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth a few years ago? Neither do I. Regardless, this is the sequel to that but with 100 percent less Kristen Stewart and 100 percent more Jessica Chastain and Emily Blunt.

Hot Guys?: Chris Hemsworth. 

Genuinely Love It or Love to Hate It?: This looks terrible. Awful CGI effects that have no weight, and Charlize Theron looks like she got to set after a long nap. A movie where magical Charlize and Emily Blunt face off against each other should feel like a Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? in Narnia. Instead this just looks like a standard fantasy movie crap-fest.

6. Captain America: Civil War (May 6)

What’s This Now?: The Marvel marathon continues with the third Cap movie – this time he faces off against Iron Man himself in a hissy fit for the ages!

Hot Guys?: Yeah, it’s a Marvel movie. There’s Chris Evans himself and the introduction of Spider-Man and Black Panther into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s a man-meat buffet offering something for every palate.

Genuinely Love It or Love to Hate It?: I’m prepared to love this. But then I love Marvel in general, so I’m not exactly impartial. The last Captain America movie was a fun spin on 1970s political thrillers, and the Russo brothers are returning to direct this one. There are also more Avengers in this than the last Avengers movie.

7. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (May 20)

What’s This Now?: A sequel to the surprisingly fun and enlightening frat comedy from 2014. This time Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne and Zac Efron team up against a terrifying sorority (is there any other kind?)

Hot Guys?: Well, Zac Efron, but he does nothing for me! Amazing body, but he’s like a Ken doll with less charisma. Seth Rogen on the other hand is always hot. Maybe because he feels “get-able”.

Genuinely Love It or Love to Hate It?: I say we’re gonna like this one! The first one is genuinely good, with a great performance from Rose Byrne. So if this one is more of the same but with psychotic Sorority girls, it could be a winner.

8. X-Men Apocalypse (May 27)

What’s This Now?: Once again that plucky band of metaphors for gayness face a threat to the entire planet! Jennifer Lawrence returns to regret ever agreeing to appear in so many of these movies.

Hot Guys?: Well, it’s a Bryan Singer movie so it’s got more slender muscular bodies than a Bel Ami movie! But it also has Michael Fassbender for those attracted to adults.

Genuinely Love It or Love to Hate It?: I don’t know. Days of Future Past had two good action sequences, but beyond that, these movies are starting to repeat themselves. I think it’s time they get a new director with a different vision. Embrace the soapy dynamic of the comic, and for God’s sakes ditch the black leather already!

Sources: Bad Robot Productions, Red Wagon Entertainment/Lionsgate/Mandeville Films, Warner Bros., Universal Pictures, Marvel Studios, Universal Pictures, 20th Century Fox