May 23, 2016

Sassy Homo Astrology: GEMINI

Dandy Dicks presents a different kind of astrology. Every month, the lucky bastard isn’t the one with the forthcoming birthday, but everyone else. As each star sign progresses through the year, we’ll tell you how to land some star-struck man. This month (May 21-June 21): How to win over, romance and seduce a gay Geminian man. So, if you have your heart set on winning over a brainy Gemini, allow the Dandy Dicks team to give you a few tongue-in-cheek tips and tricks to pique the curiosity of these twin-spirited boys and make them want to learn what it takes to be your one true man.


The Good

Gemini is the intellectual of the zodiac. Intensely curious and always on the lookout for something new to learn, there is never a dull moment when you’re with a Geminian. This makes him a perfect match if you’re an ADD case or just have low patience for the world in general as a Gemini tends to be impulsive and always changing the subject the moment a new thought pops into his head. And due to his well-rounded knowledge about pretty much everything, he is the kind of boyfriend whom you can introduce to all of your circles of friends. He’ll get along just as well with your party monster friends who are doing bumps of ketamine in the restroom of the club as he will with your self-righteous friends who insist on being the designated driver. He’s even the perfect guy who’ll get along with your parents who kicked you out of the house at 18 for being the Sodomite family embarrassment.


The Bad

Too easily bored. A Gemini man needs constant mental stimulation, and if you can’t keep up, he’ll leave you behind. But he’ll do it in a subtle way. For example: if you’re talking, and what you’re saying begins to bore him, rather than change topics, he’ll just pretend like he’s listening while having a new conversation with himself in his head. And the moment you bore him, it’s over. After all, there are how many BILLIONS of people in the world for Geminis to get know? So, if you can’t keep his interest all day, every day, there’s no shortage of new faces to catch his curious eye.

Also, Geminis are the utter worst if you’re naïve or just plain stupid. Like their symbol, the twins, they are known for being a bit two-faced. So expect him to answer in the form of extreme sarcasm and always play Devil’s advocate to anything you say, regardless if he agrees with you or not. Ultimately, if a lie is more interesting than the truth, he’ll opt for the lie and take it as a mental challenge to keep it going as long as he can.   


The Sexy

Sexual freaks of the world, rejoice, because a Gemini and his insatiable curiosity is down to explore every naughty, deranged and dangerous fantasy you’ve got. The bedroom is always an adventure, and you never know what new position or toy he’ll bring into the action that night. And needless to say, he’s the epitome of “versatile”. It doesn’t matter if he’s the top, the bottom, the one suspended in the sling or even the one watching as those two guys you invited over from Craigslist double penetrate you. So long as it’s different and new, he is up for trying anything at least once.

And as a Gemini, his erogenous zone is his arms. So let his hands freely explore your body and learn the terrain of every bump, crack, and imperfection you have. And when you’re about to cum all over yourself because of that new roleplay scenario you guys are trying out, be sure to grab his big biceps and squeeze uncontrollably as you learn that you’ve never TRULY orgasmed until just now.


How to Attract a Gemini

Be aloof and mysterious. The trick is to keep him curious about you. The moment he’s got you figured out, you’re no longer interesting to him. Talk about anything and everything except about yourself. Keep him curious. Keep him guessing. Hell, lie if you have to. Your life may be dull and boring, but he doesn’t have to know that. So long as you can keep your stories straight and not entangle yourself in your web of lies, you can be the most interesting man in the world to him… which you’ll HAVE to be if you want to keep his attention.


What to Expect on a Date

Expect the unexpected. Geminis’ favorite dates are those wherein you both explore some place that you’ve never been to. It could be anything from that new, trendy vegan café to that infamous dive bar on the bad side of town. As long as it’s different and interesting, he won’t care where you go together. And there’s a good chance you’ll end up in the sack with him, too. How you perform in the bedroom is one of many things that he’s curious about. But don’t give him everything you’ve got just yet. You’ll need to save some for next time, because you can’t have the same kind of sex twice with this guy. All in all, a Gemini is just a sexy nerd with a short attention span; if you can keep up with his wandering mind and come up with a never-ending list of new things to do, he’s yours…. no matter how much he’ll sarcastically deny it.


by Tomás Prower

You may also like



And who the hell am I? If you’ve been following the blog at all, you may have wondered out of which horny hole this perverted punk has stepped. I won’t reveal too much – a bit of mystery is sexy, right? But a few things may be in order.

First, I was born in that part of the world that most people think is actually Canada, but it’s not. I was born in Alaska. Who would have thought that place could produce more than oil and Sarah Palin – two decidedly unsexy things.

Second, I’m no stranger to sex on screen. I appeared in two arty porn films with DVD releases: one in San Francisco and one here in Berlin. There may be other footage of me out there, but if so, I don’t know where. And yup, I moved to Berlin from gay ol’ San Francisco, where I learned to be a proper fag and how to be a writer all at the same time.

There’s more from San Francisco coming your way via Dandy Dicks, so stay tuned.

But I left San Francisco. And took my heart with me. Five years now in Berlin and I can’t think of a better place to be. I’ve been making it here as a writer ever since and I’m happy to report there’s no going back.

I think I’ve given you enough of the basics. More you’ll just have to find out either through this blog or a little Google. But I hope with that you stick around Dandy Dicks – for this blog and of course, the boys!

Walter Crasshole