Humankind’s past is overflowing with powerful royals who were down for some same-sex lovin’. But you’d never know that from reading a history book. With the exception of the decadent debauchery of classical Greece and Rome, one would think that gay world leaders simply disappeared until modern times. Here at Dandy Dicks, we’ve scoured the annals of anal (and Sapphic) love to find a handful of prime, regal examples of worldwide royalty whom no one ever told you were actually gay.

1. KING HENRI III OF FRANCE

Disinterested in physical exertion, Henri III became the accidental King of France in 1574. Upon coronation, he was arranged to be married to Louise of Lorraine, but after the wedding, Henri showed more interest in dressing his wife in the latest fashions, applying her make-up and teaching her how to flirt with men more than producing an heir with her.

The epitome of a dandy, Henri was a fashionista whose exaggerated, foppish couture became en vogue throughout Europe. And other than his sadomasochistic orgies while dressed in drag, Henri was infamous for having an entourage of effeminate dandies constantly follow him, whom he referred to as his mignons (French for “cuties”). In the end, he died young, at age 38, assassinated by a conservative friar, not due to his flaming homosexuality but to his unwillingness to pick sides during the religious civil war then raging in France.

2. NGOLA NZINGA OF THE MBUNDU

The iconic figure of multiple African nations including Angola and the Congo, she demanded to be referred by masculine titles and kept a harem of pretty men she called her wives. As a ruler, she successfully led troops in guerrilla warfare against the Portuguese, preventing them from expanding their slave trade deep into her lands. She is widely thought to be transgender due to her insistence on being dressed and addressed as a man and having her male concubines be addressed as women, especially since being a female ruler was not unheard of at the time. She died a peaceful death at age 80 and enacted widespread social acceptance for transgendered people in her lands.

3. EMPEROR AI OF HAN CHINA

While many of the Han emperors of China were openly homosexual, none were as flaming as Emperor Ai. But most notably, Emperor Ai held a special fondness for his minor official Dong Xian, and his favoritism was evident in the numerous titles bestowed upon Dong and Dong’s relatives, going so far as to make him the Commander of the Armed Forces. Ai and Dong’s love affair became immortalized in Chinese slang by homosexuality being referred to as “the passion of the cut sleeve”. This originated from an instance when Ai did not want to awaken Dong, who was sleeping on his royal sleeve, and so Ai cut his sleeve instead of risking waking his beloved.

4. QUEEN CHRISTINA OF SWEDEN

Christina was well known as a cross-dressing lesbian who caused a national scandal when she openly rejected the sexual role of a woman, refused to marry and voluntarily abdicated her own throne. While still the reigning monarch, though, she enjoyed dressing in masculine drag and interact incognito without her subjects at bawdy inns and taverns.

Even in courtly affairs, she was openly irreverent, introducing foreign dignitaries to her longtime lesbian lover. Ultimately, her conversion to Catholicism and ardent unwillingness to produce an heir pressured her to step down as queen, and even when the next king offered to marry her, she simply laughed, put on her man clothes and moved away to Rome. Her queerness is immortalized in the classic film Queen Christina, appropriately starring the ambiguously lesbian Swedish actress Greta Garbo in the title role.

5. KING RICHARD THE LIONHEART OF ENGLAND

Before he became “the Lionheart”, Richard became intimate with his boyhood friend, Prince Philip II of France, which continued into adulthood. Chroniclers even tell of how Richard and Philip ate together and shared the same bed regularly. While some historians claim this bed-sharing was a political statement of the times, what can’t be denied are Richard’s infamous confession and penitence.

According to this king’s contemporaries, Richard left his wife and went to a hermit to confess his sins. In response to his confession, the hermit told Richard to stay away from “the sin of sodomy”, at which point Richard took back his wife… although they rarely saw each other and never produced an heir. His queerness would also become immortalized in the Academy Award-winning film The Lion in Winter with a young Anthony Hopkins starring as the downlow queer Richard.

And if there’s anything to be learned about all this, it’s that with all these Hollywood successes featuring gay kings and queens, it’s only a matter of time before we see more. After all, Meryl Streep could definitely win another Oscar for portraying Ngola Nzinga of the Mbundu, right?

Sources: aliexpress.com, gayinfluence.blogspot.com, badassoftheweek.com, historyisqueer.tumblr.com, commons.wikimedia.org, elgrandepics.com