There is no better time to be alive than now. Every sexual fantasy no matter how obscure, bizarre, or borderline illegal is at our fingertips thanks to the internet. But despite the infinite array of titillating options, we humans are oddly specific and predictable when it comes to our regional fetishes.  Don’t believe us? Well, allow our Dandy Dicks experts to reveal 9 of last year’s most insane and erotic, yet true, facts and figures of humanity’s porn habits from around the world.

STATISTIC #1: Gay porn is most popular in countries where homosexuality is illegal

You know all those countries that are ruled by religious law? Yeah, those are the same ones who watch gay porn the most. In public, they may condemn sodomy as evil, but in private, they’re touching their privates while watching hardcore man-on-man sex. Truly they doth protest too much, wethinks.

STATISTIC #2: Each country prefers their own

As Dr. Hannibal Lecter once taught Clarice Starling, we most covet what we see every day. And this is true the world over for porn preferences. That is why the most searched for term in every country is their own country. Mexico searches for “Mexican”, Japan “Japanese”, Italy “Italian”, and so on. Deep down, it seems we’re all just a bit more nationalistically inclined than we’d like to admit.

STATISTIC #3: Rich people masturbate less than poor people

At first glance, it would seem that rich people would have plenty of free time to jack off excessively. But, despite what pop-culture depictions like C. Montgomery Burns and Scrooge McDuck show us, it actually takes a hell of a lot of work and long nights at the office to amass and maintain wealth. Also don’t forget, we’re talking about porn here, and when you’ve got money, you’re much more likely to get laid on any given night and not have to come home to the familiar touch of your own hand. So, that helps, too.

STATISTIC # 4: We Watch More Porn When We Think the World Is About To End

There seems to be a new doomsday prophecy every year, and despite the fact that only a small minority of people believe them in earnest, porn sites tend to see a massive viewer spike on the day before the world is scheduled to end. Remember the predicted Mayan Calendar apocalypse back in 2012, or the Y2K scare before that which were both supposed to be the end of days? Well, the evenings before all that, pornography websites were at an all-time high of viewer traffic.  So despite what people may say, now you know how most would choose to spend their last hours on Earth.

STATISTIC #5: English-speaking countries crave BBC

No, that isn’t the British Broadcasting Corporation that the English-speaking world wants; it’s some good ol’ Big Black Cock. The UK and all of her former colonies search for “black” and “ebony” porn much more than countries whose dominant language isn’t English, which is odd considering that the majority of countries with the highest black populations outside of Africa are linguistically Spanish, French, and Portuguese. Perhaps it is that unfamiliarity and absent obsession that has English speakers search en masse for those stereotypically sized black dicks.  

STATISTIC #6: Latin America Is Obsessed With Anime/Cartoon Porn

Already known for having highly colorized TV shows with ridiculously cartoonish melodrama, it seems that these Latino Lotharios prefer to take it one step further in their porn. Whether it be dubbed or subtitled, the highly colored, highly fantastic world of cartoons serves as the backdrop for Latin America’s most commonly searched for porn, which makes sense considering this is the culture that invented magical realism as a genre in the first place.

STATISTIC #7: Southeast Asia has a thing for ghost sex

While many tourists come to this part of the world searching for spiritual enlightenment, the natives are searching the Internet for spiritual sex. Southeast Asia definitely takes pornography to the next dimension with their uniquely popular demand for feeling their fantasies through watching phantoms and spirits getting it on with mortals.

STATISTIC #8: The whole world loves anal sex (but no place more so than Africa)

Anal sex is a worldwide phenomenon. Cultures, religions, and languages may separate us, but our human love for taking it up the ass is a unifying desire held among all nations. And despite all the commotion of recent civil rights movements, it appears that the peoples of Africa secretly prefer to enter through the back door rather than the front.

STATISTIC #9: Women Everywhere Overwhelmingly Prefer Lesbian Porn

And finally, let’s not forget about the ladies. Since porn is overwhelmingly designed for men, women are left to select from among male-oriented fantasies. And what do women end up choosing? Themselves! Across the board in a majority of cultures, females prefer to watch lesbian porn, proving once and for all that the day science can develop dildos that inject artificial sperm, women would have no need or desire for us at all. But that’s okay because as these stats prove, there’ll still be a plethora of porn for all the men out there to satisfy any desire in the world.

Sources: thehoopla.com, interestingblogger.wordpress.com, ramapocentral.net, thebreakingtimes.com, io9.gizmodo.com, telegraph.co.uk, kuraudia.deviantart.com, johncoulthart.com, thisisafrica.me, yelp.ie